Silence Please !

I lost my voice temporarily and its one of the best things to happen recently. I never realised that my prayers would be answered this way but as they say "kya pata kis bhesh mein narayan milein?" [you never know in which form you may find God]. Yes, I was in great pain, and very scared about my voice. So much was at stake, my relations, my friends, my career, my life, everything. All I was wondering was how would I live if I loose my voice, how will I talk to everyone, how will I soothe my husband's stress and my brother's worries? How will I calm my mother when she is agitated over some stupid rumour? How will I play kiddo with Dad? How will I support my friends in their darkest hours and rejoice in their success? How would I get a job damn it! This was all I thought for the first week. Then, the next week came and I became more comfortable in this silent world. Well, not exactly because its me who is silent, everyone else was freaking out over my condition and still is.

Those who know me, know that talking is my second nature. If I am silent, it means something is horribly wrong. If you don't believe me ask anyone around me. Yes, I do talk a lot and by lot I mean constantly, non-stop for hours and hours. If you are thinking that all I speak is non sense then you are mistaken. I do make sense, atleast half of the times. The rest half is well, just like every girl, gossip [:P]. I used to give lectures to my friends and family on philosophy, relations, politics, religion, health, almost anything. I love to debate, something my father-in-law doesn't find to his taste [:P]. And I do make sense because I make sure that my advice is really helpful and not a bunch of jargons. If you want proof, go to Yahoo Answers and look up for "Arien S". I am a level 2 member with 14% best answers (m not regular these days, so didnt climb higher). Anyways, the point is that my advice makes sense and that I talk sense and not just blabber all the time. My friends often tell me that I should become a motivational self-help guru which I was slightly considering until I lost my voice [I am in for a voice abuse my friend]. In short, my voice was my life-blood. [I know I am going a bit too much on about me, myself and my voice but hey, its my blog and I can talk about myself atleast
once in a while].

One fine day I got up with acute pain in my throat. Initally diagnosed as an ulcer, after 2 weeks of excruciating pain it turned out to be damaged vocal chords. I cud barely speak and that too in broken words. My ENT specialist forbade me from speaking entirely [as if I was speaking anyways. Huh!]. Since he pressed my mute button, the pain has subsided and I have resumed eating after 2 weeks of zero-food diet [I lost 7lbs & I look great apart from the dark circles, sunken cheek and pale skin]. But all of this gave me a new insight towards life. I experienced the life of a vocally handicapped person, bubbling with emotions but unable to blurt it our. Oh, I can communicate (in writing of course), practising my penmanship [why isn't it penwomanship?]. But, its hard to write down every single thought, especially since I am used to speaking in detailed lengths. Still, I try to keep up in the conversations. My friends and I have had a good laugh over my enthusiasm to speak my mind even when I can't really speak, some habits seldom die! My silence would prevail for some more weeks and a Voice Therapist would help me to gradually start speaking again [Till then you can rest your ears :D].

Coming back to my initial gratitudes, all of this seems so painful then why am I thankful? It is so that almost 3 weeks ago my life was all stressed with housework, school work, job search, family etc. and I really wanted a respite for a couple of days to gather my thoughts, rejuvenate my mind and strike back with fresh energy. It never occured to me that my 24/7 voice-cast [its a word, like podcasts] was a huge contributor to my disarrayed world. Being organised sometimes takes a huge toll on energy and mental peace than living in a mess. The day I went mute was the day things started to settle down, initally because I was focused on my ailment and didn't have time to think about other things but later on because it gave me time to think about things I hadn't been able to give any thoughts for quite sometime. Things like how much my husband had aged seeing me in pain for almost 3weeks, how Dad understands every word without any sound from me and feels my pain even though he can't see me from so far. I got to know how much my friends cared for me and that despite every stupid misunderstandings, we all do love each other. I heard my baby brother's tears when he came to know about my condition. I heard my favorite songs and this time heard it for the musicians, technicians, lyricists singers etc. I heard my husband talk for me. He became my voice even though he himself is monosyllabalistic [thats a word]. I even heard my heart, saying that All Izz Well [yeah I love 3Idiots], heard it say that even though life seems so haphazard, everything will fall in place, sooner or later all problems will reach their solutions. No matter what, life will be good and there will be sunshine around. I have had the privilege of free speech for so many years [think of those who can't speak and those who have voices but still can't]. And then, my friend, my mind became clear. I could see the sky, the clouds, the silver lining and above all hope. I reacheived happiness of heart, peace of mind and calm in my soul. I am no longer scared of loosing my voice, no longer scared of loosing anything. I found Nirvana !